Saw one of my friends, today.

After having been interrogated by my mother's friends, I received a text message from one of my friends which I have not seen in quite some time. I was really happy that he asked if I was free because, for one thing I certainly was, I really needed time to get out of the house and have a little bit of fun. 

After waiting for my friend for about 20 minutes, we stepped outside to get into this car, and BAM! The sunshine was incredibly warm and beautiful. For the past several days, I believe it was perhaps an entire week, the weather was just absolutely dreadful and dull! It was raining continuously and there was not one ray of sun passing through the dark dismal clouds up above. I could smell freshly cut grass, the scent of flowers in the breeze, and nature all around me. Being cooped up inside my room working and doing research is certainly not entirely stressful, but it can cause some mental harm. 

We were driving here and there deciding where we should go, so we went to SunRidge Mall. There was absolutely no where to park for there was a little carnival going on not too far from it, so as one would have expected, there would have been no parking at all. Me being incredibly bored and annoyed with the parking, I said, "Let's go to Joey! I want to grab a Mojito." Oh indeed I grabbed my mojito! I believe they may have spiked my drink because I was incredibly drunk after ONE GLASS! I was rather red in the face. Do I not look charming? :P 

Then we decided we would go watch a movie! Oh yes, this is like the best because the timing of the movies were way off and I was still rather drunk! We arrived at the Cineplex at around 15h30 and all the movies were going to begin at either 15h45 or 19h00, and the only not so ridiculously late movie that was going to play was at 17h50. So, we chose that one. The movie that started at 17h50 happened to be After Earth. Yes, you read that correctly, I typed After Earth, the one with Will Smith and his son. I thought that the movie comes out on the 7th of June, but apparently not, and on top of that, the movie was literally half off than normal ticket prices. The movie itself was not so entertaining, actually, if you are the type of person that enjoys explosions, death, and sexual scenes, then this movie is most definitely not for you! I do not want to spoil it, but I believe that movie was more of an entertaining way of saying, "What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.
Jiddu Krishnamurti 
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_fear.html#BdhKvAJ6LYhUO2oT.99" 

After the movie, we went to chapters and browsed through some books! I saw some very interesting titles like "The Stranger's Child," "The Kite Runner," "The Shining," and a book by a Chinese author named Ai Mi. After I finish reading the series of unfortunate events (which in my personal opinion, is a rather slow, and taxing read. I am not enjoying any of the books so far! But I will have to finish them) I will finish up Harry Potter, and then read these very interesting books. 

Skipping along, we finally get home! The weather was still as hot as it was when the moment I stepped to head out! So I was relived to finally get back home and drink some cool water. My friend and I had a really long chat about how school was bothering him and I told him that school should not determine success, rather school should be a backup plan if your plan to success does not succeed. That way no time is wasted and you have a job. I was thinking to myself that perhaps I should study aboard (by aboard I mean just across the country, ha!) I am thinking about taking Paralegal at this University my friend is interested in. Speaking of Universities, my friend was distressed about the amount of tuition he will have to pay if he decides to go to Academy of Art University, which is located in San Francisco. Of course, we are not incredibly wealthy people, so 80k for 4 years is undoubtably distressing. But I told, write out the pros and cons of attending both schools like would both of these institutions take you to the same place in life? And many more similar questions. But I think I was able to help sort out his thoughts before he headed home. 

Any who! My day was really nice, and I could not have asked for better. 

I thank her for calling me Ugly.

Oh man, where do I begin? This is actually going to be a really long entry, tonight. 

Way back in high school, I remember that I was working two jobs, while studying in my final year. It was not easy at all, especially since I also had a heart condition. But I fought on, I studied hard, and I did my best to handle the stress. One job was working at CrossIron Mills Mall. I was an aromatherapist, or that is what they wanted me to think. I was selling essential oils at rather ridiculously high prices. What made that job horrible was not what I did, but the location and what I was handling. Before I started working, my skin was actually pretty damn good. I had not one blemish, I had not one wrinkle, but over the course of about 7 months, my skin started to get red and my cheeks started to break out, but only ever so slightly, but what made it worse was that I was working in front of the god damn food court! Where all the oils, dirt, and crap were floating around. But after working at the Mall, I would have to commute to the Calgary International Airport where I worked for 9 months, with absolutely horrible, pathetic, useless, creatures. I am glad that is all that they have ever amounted to because that type of job is all that they will ever have! (Sorry! Check out my Ranting Corner Blog) Anyways, the air in the airport was absolutely filthy, and the people that I worked with stressed the heck out of me, thus my stress hormones were sky rocketing! I then broke out on my chin and, well, my self esteem went crashing. The reason why I quit the airport was not because of my lack of self esteem, but because of the floor manager that works there. (I will include a lot of shit about her in my Rant!) 

Before my first year at University, I gave myself one month to rest and relax. So finally after high school and working two jobs, I got one month break. I thought that was all I needed to get back into gear, but I was so wrong for when University started, I still looked rather ratchet. I have my school ID! I will probably upload a photo of it when I feel like it, but I look absolutely horrible. My Korean friend said that I look like a prisoner. Yeah, that is how bad I looked, and essentially felt about myself. But that all changed one late evening. Actually, I have to thank this bitchy white chick for waking me up. What happened was that one late night, I was walking on the second level through an empty, brick floored hallway in my University. I was thinking to myself, "Wow! Is it ever quiet!" But the silence was broken when I heard this girl say, "Jesus Christ, that guy is UGLY!" Rather than saying, "Well, that is rather rude! I am not ugly." I said to myself, "She is right.. I do not really feel like I like the way I look." That was when I started taking care of myself, focusing on my hair, clothing, and eye glasses. I dyed my hair light brown. It actually looked really nice on me when I finally chopped off that bird nest that was resting on my head. Next, I met a Korean girl who lectured me on my appearance and said that I should change my clothing. We went shopping and, well, she has good taste in clothing, and then finally my eye glasses. I looked rather sharp with my new style! But even though I could change my hair, clothing, and body accessories, I did not like how my face looked. I started doing yoga thrice a week, I started drinking tea, I started using face products, and even skin lighteners, and then finally, I started doing face massages (check out my entry on "Things I do on lazy days like these" for the link to the face massage). 

Now two years later, I look, feel, and am happier, healthier, and smexier! I thank that girl for waking me up! I thank her for saying that horrible, degrading thing. I thank her for telling me the truth when no one else would, for not even I would have liked to say something like that to myself. 

Things I do on lazy days like these.

Ironically, I had quite a lazy day! And today is a Monday! I guess I would not say that it was entirely wasted. Usually when there is nothing planned for the following day or that my plans on a particular day will have to be altered, I have a: Lazy Day Plan. This is what the plan includes:

1. Tidy up bed room/ house, if not feeling terribly lazy.
2. Eat breakfast/ lunch for about two hours, then sip on some tea while reading a good book. Currently I am finishing the Unfortunate Events series. I will probably whip up an opinion of each book as I finish them. 
3. Blast some music and eat some more.
4. Play games.
5. Read about random stuff on: 9gag, Reddit, The Metro (local news paper).

I believe that the most INTERESTING thing that I did today was that I did some research on face massages. I found several videos pertaining to it, but the most helpful and detailed explanation would be the Tanaka's Face Massages (link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrceQS7qdaI ) They are really simple, easy, and fun to do. Who does not want to look young, healthy, and happy? 

Twisted part 2: Videos

Below are some of the videos I took! One has me being in the dark beside this super cute guy, me on the dance floor, and me with my friend who happens to be showing off his glowing-ness.Unfortunately, one of the videos were too big and could not be uploaded. It was of a Drag Queen rocking it out on stage! 

Upcoming Gay Pride Parade

Last night my good friend invited me to go to Edmonton this upcoming weekend for the Gay Pride Parade. At first I was thinking to myself "Oh gosh! Will it be safe? Will it be fun? Should I bring protection? What is going to happen?" Then, as if my friend could read my mind said to me "Do not worry too much about it. We will all be with you and it will be a lot of fun!" 

Wisdom obtained from experience, I will most definitely have no expectations as to what will be going on. I will simply go there with an open mind! 

Things that I will be bringing with me:

1. My iPad
2. My Samsung Phone
3. My Skull Candy headphones
4. Money (dur)
5. IDs (dur)
6. One pair of pjs
7. Two changes of clothing 
8. Hygienic products
9. My own pillow case 
10. My own towel

This is going to be so much fun!!! Finally, I am going to be going out of the City with friends to an event I have never thought I would attend. 

I will be uploading the videos/photos I take on the evening of the parade! So, if anyone reads LangDer's Journal, expect a lot of funzies!

Things were pretty twisted at Twisted, tonight.

Usually my days are filled with work, research for work, practical applications of the things that I researched for work, then stress at home, then studies, and then finally some me time, except imagine this for the past several years. It was not until I came out of the closet that my life lit up; my friend's eldest brother happen to hear that I am gay (more specifically bi) and he decided to introduce me to all the wonders of the gay community. Now, I am not being overly critical, but it is a kind of community that lacks compassion and is incredibly superficial. Any who, that will be another topic to be discussed later, but I must say this community certainly knows how to have a good time.

Tonight will mark the, perhaps 11th night that I have gone to the gay club, here in Calgary, called Twisted Element. It is a rather small club, but it is quite nice, by that I mean the people seem generally friendly, the bartenders are hot, and the music is good! What made this evening better than the past fortnights is that I had absolutely no expectations of what could happen at the club, I did not try to dance with anyone, I did not engage in anything with anyone because I know that I would be disappointed when I am turned down. Tonight, several guys kissed me, several people danced with me, and my friends and I, along with everyone else on the dance floor shaking our asses to Nicki Minaj and all that, had a blast. There were so many good looking guys there. I really wished that I was taller because dancing with tall people is awkward.. for the both of us. 

My friends and I are heading up to Edmonton for the upcoming gay pride parade this weekend! Again, I will have no expectations as to what may happen. I will keep a positive, accepting, and open mind to whoever comes my way. 

Any how, I am sleepy! Had such an enjoyable first day of the month! 

June the 1st!

Yay! So finally we have reached the half way through the year! WHO HERE IS EXCITED?! 

I know I am. I have a few things I would like to do this month, starting with today.

In my blog yesterday I said that the best time to start anything is, well, NOW! For the first of this month I want to start it off just right, with just the right amount of exercise, beauty, and most importantly an effort. I also want to see my friends and family happy but I will start off with one person today and that will most likely be my mum. 

What my plans are for today?

1. Completely clean up my room.
2. Feed my lizard and puppy.
3. Do 30 minutes of exercise and 15 minutes of yoga. 
4. LAUGH
5. Find a really good book to read, I already have quite the collection so it should be too difficult.
6. Clean the kitchen. :P This is the good deed I shall do today, haha. 
7. Do my laundry.
8. Work on my vlogs
9. Find a really good album to buy.
10. Blog about my day!! (Although blogging is fun, I should do my best to blog at least once a day, rather than having several mini blogs about random stuff, I will just clump it into one large post.)

I will be productive and happy today!

I hope you all have a wonderful June the 1st!!! 

Messed up dream ever..

Okay, you know how some people have actually very interesting dreams? Like having the ability to fly, go through walls, and have something fun going on? Yeah, the majority of my dreams are about zombies, shit filled toilets, and a bunch of phobias that scare the living shit out of me. 

So this is how my dream went:

I woke up on a dark green dingy couch one of my friends owned. The apartment was rather filthy, the walls were grey, clothing just thrown on the floor along with the many outdoor eatery boxes from weeks ago, and to add to that, his friends were over. Rubbing my eyes, I slowly threw my legs over the side of the couch and got up, I looked around at the people who where there and I walked up to someone who was staring at me. Apparently, my friend was moving his fridge and needed some help! "That explains the people here... but why is my professor sitting in the corner of the room with the cat?" I said in my head.
"Hey" said the guy that was staring at me. I looked upon him and all his hot glory, drooled slightly, and he mouthed the words "How are you? I think you are really cute. I will tell him you are cute," he ended. I was filled with happiness, but also fear because who the heck is he going to tell that I am cute? I turned the corner and entered into the kitchen, were a mirror was floating, and walked up to it and looked at myself. There was a huge ass fucking pimple between my brows. 

It was as if I teleported across the City to a Chinese dermatologist's office. I was sitting on the patients chair, waiting for her to do away with me and make me beautiful. The office was rather simple, white, dull, and boring, except there was one person sitting across from me. The odd thing was that that person was not moving, only for her eyes which later stopped, looking at me. 

As I pulled out a hand mirror from my jacket's pocket, the Chinese dermatologist appeared and wordlessly said "What can I do for you?" I looked into my hand mirror only to be shocked by the hideous sight of my face! It was covered in the most disgusting spots, and blotches, and even maggots were crawling around in and on it!! I started crying mouthing the words "What happened? Oh my god! Can you fix this? It has never been this bad before!" She moves over to her treatment plans, which were incredibly expensive, and pulls out a syringe in the dressers below, then I automatically pulled my pants down and she stuck a needle into my left cheek. I bit into the towel that was covering the chair because of the pain. Then a women comes into the room with her children completely oblivious to what was happening until I started moaning, she looked at me and incredulously said "Oh!" and started masturbating. 

I opened my eyes and simply said.. w.t.f? 

So that was my dream last night. I do not understand what it means. I guess from a small pimple to a unsightly, horrifying face, I was simply making a mountain of a mole hill about my insecurities and that the hot Russian guy and the hot Asian girl found me incredibly sexy. Maybe? 

I have no idea. Subconscious.. what are you telling me?

But when I did physically get up, I looked into the mirror and I saw that my face looked even better than I thought it did yesterday! I so feel pretty perky and happy. 

31st of May: The Day that huge Asteroid passed Earth

Today at 1:59 p.m. Pacific (4:59 p.m. Eastern / 20:59 UTC), an asteroid that is the size of half a football field and weighing several hundreds of tons, traveling about 8 times faster than the speed of sound, passed the Earth by a cosmological inch, which is, in simple terms, closer than the hundreds of weather, mobile, military, and other types of satellites orbiting our planet. 

(source: http://www.messagetoeagle.com/asteroidbinaryflyby.php?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Messagetoeaglecom+(Message+To+Eagle+-+News)) 

It got me thinking, what happened if that asteroid were to have hit us? Then a bunch of deep questions popped into my head such as: Was I happy? Did I make others happy? Did I waste my time? Did I love as much as I could have? Did I laugh as much as I would have liked? Just to list a few. Unfortunately, the answer to most of these questions were not entirely positive. Fortunately, however, that asteroid did not smash into the Earth we call home, and entirely wipe us out! My goal now is to change all those negative answers to positive answers. The biggest thing that I would like to change about myself is my perspective and attitude towards people, towards myself and the things that I do. I want to live my life free of judgement, free of failure, and most definitely free of the negativity we all tend to hold on to dearly for not good reason. 

How will I change? I am not entirely sure, but this is what I think I will do:

I will stop judging myself.

When I stop judging myself about things like how I think of my appearance, my ability in certain things,  and mistakes and bad choices that I made in the past, so will the entire world. Honestly, if you think that "Oh, this person probably thinks I am ugly." Do you think that person actually thinks that? Did they actually tell you this? I am terribly self-conscious about my skin, it is not entirely perfect, but it is not bad either. I just wish that my skin would get better! 

I will stop wishful thinking.

I absolutely hate wishful thinking. All it does is build up expectations, and when those expectations are not met, it will only simply make one feel absolutely disappointed and fall into a deeper hole than the one that they were already in! So about my skin, I have been doing things to help improve my physical and mental self image: 
- I exercise to build a nice and toned body
- I eat healthy to help improve my complexion 
- I do yoga to improve blood circulation and also help my body in other ways
- I think positively 
- I take a proactive approach to improve my skin like using: Eskinol, witch hazel, appropriate skin care products for my skin, and all that I have listed above. 

But not only that! We all have those thoughts and desires where we wish to be incredibly good at something. I heard a lot of people saying: Alexander, how can you learn so many languages? I simply say it is something I am passionate about and I practice it as much as I can everyday! We all have our own special gifts, but what is important is not wishing that we were perfectly programmed. We simply have to discover our talents and attributes and make them better. 

I will stop waiting.

Not that I am saying that I will become impatient and want whatever it is that I want NOW NOW NOW! No, what I mean is that I will stop making excuses and start doing the things that I want in my life: I want to be healthy, I want to be smart, I want to be rich, but most importantly I want to be a good friend, a good son, and a good person in society. I want to start now, it is never too late, until an asteroid hits and then, yeah, then it would be too late. 

I will finish all the books that I have been putting off for the past few... weeks *cough* by reading at least 2 chapters a night, or when I have some me time, read a few pages until I have to start work again. 

I will stop hating, being negative, being like the people I dislike.

Sometimes I ask myself "Why the heck did God put such a horrible person like this on this planet?" Well, soon enough I found the answer, and it was on facebook, a facebook quote to be exact, and it said: 

Is that not true? I think it really gives me a better perspective on the people in my life. The people that I absolutely detest have taught me who I should not be because they are the example of what I would become! I do not want to grow up old, rude, and ugly! Rather, I want to be kind, helpful, steadfast, upright, confident, loyal, true, tolerant, and a bunch of other nice and manly (and feminine) adjectives! 

I will admit my errors, I will forgive the wrong doings of others, and I will move on.

No one is perfect, and I certainly know that I am not perfect, myself. 

I will not bow down to anyone! 

Most likely only to God, but to someone on this planet? Most likely not! Even if they have a gun pointed to my head, they mean nothing to me and if I meant something to them, why would they be even pointing a gun to my head?! I will not be rude, but I will be assertive. NO ONE SHOULD BE A PUSH OVER! 

But most importantly:

I will be Happy.

Everyday, I will think of one thing that made me really happy yesterday and think of how I can make one person happy today. What made me happy yesterday was that my mom got me a MacBook Air. I was undeniably happy.. omg <3 mummzies I wabz youz. What I do does not have to be incredibly huge like buying them a car, but perhaps making that one person I choose to laugh, to smile, to simply be happy, by doing a small deed for them. I guess I could start doing the dishes. (I hate doing the dishes...) But honestly, and truly, when you make someone happy, you feel even happier!! 

Well, these are just a few things I have thought about... literally the list GOES ON! 

Do we really have to wait until the brink of destruction for us to change?