Messed up dream ever..

Okay, you know how some people have actually very interesting dreams? Like having the ability to fly, go through walls, and have something fun going on? Yeah, the majority of my dreams are about zombies, shit filled toilets, and a bunch of phobias that scare the living shit out of me. 

So this is how my dream went:

I woke up on a dark green dingy couch one of my friends owned. The apartment was rather filthy, the walls were grey, clothing just thrown on the floor along with the many outdoor eatery boxes from weeks ago, and to add to that, his friends were over. Rubbing my eyes, I slowly threw my legs over the side of the couch and got up, I looked around at the people who where there and I walked up to someone who was staring at me. Apparently, my friend was moving his fridge and needed some help! "That explains the people here... but why is my professor sitting in the corner of the room with the cat?" I said in my head.
"Hey" said the guy that was staring at me. I looked upon him and all his hot glory, drooled slightly, and he mouthed the words "How are you? I think you are really cute. I will tell him you are cute," he ended. I was filled with happiness, but also fear because who the heck is he going to tell that I am cute? I turned the corner and entered into the kitchen, were a mirror was floating, and walked up to it and looked at myself. There was a huge ass fucking pimple between my brows. 

It was as if I teleported across the City to a Chinese dermatologist's office. I was sitting on the patients chair, waiting for her to do away with me and make me beautiful. The office was rather simple, white, dull, and boring, except there was one person sitting across from me. The odd thing was that that person was not moving, only for her eyes which later stopped, looking at me. 

As I pulled out a hand mirror from my jacket's pocket, the Chinese dermatologist appeared and wordlessly said "What can I do for you?" I looked into my hand mirror only to be shocked by the hideous sight of my face! It was covered in the most disgusting spots, and blotches, and even maggots were crawling around in and on it!! I started crying mouthing the words "What happened? Oh my god! Can you fix this? It has never been this bad before!" She moves over to her treatment plans, which were incredibly expensive, and pulls out a syringe in the dressers below, then I automatically pulled my pants down and she stuck a needle into my left cheek. I bit into the towel that was covering the chair because of the pain. Then a women comes into the room with her children completely oblivious to what was happening until I started moaning, she looked at me and incredulously said "Oh!" and started masturbating. 

I opened my eyes and simply said.. w.t.f? 

So that was my dream last night. I do not understand what it means. I guess from a small pimple to a unsightly, horrifying face, I was simply making a mountain of a mole hill about my insecurities and that the hot Russian guy and the hot Asian girl found me incredibly sexy. Maybe? 

I have no idea. Subconscious.. what are you telling me?

But when I did physically get up, I looked into the mirror and I saw that my face looked even better than I thought it did yesterday! I so feel pretty perky and happy. 

31st of May: The Day that huge Asteroid passed Earth

Today at 1:59 p.m. Pacific (4:59 p.m. Eastern / 20:59 UTC), an asteroid that is the size of half a football field and weighing several hundreds of tons, traveling about 8 times faster than the speed of sound, passed the Earth by a cosmological inch, which is, in simple terms, closer than the hundreds of weather, mobile, military, and other types of satellites orbiting our planet. 

(source: http://www.messagetoeagle.com/asteroidbinaryflyby.php?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Messagetoeaglecom+(Message+To+Eagle+-+News)) 

It got me thinking, what happened if that asteroid were to have hit us? Then a bunch of deep questions popped into my head such as: Was I happy? Did I make others happy? Did I waste my time? Did I love as much as I could have? Did I laugh as much as I would have liked? Just to list a few. Unfortunately, the answer to most of these questions were not entirely positive. Fortunately, however, that asteroid did not smash into the Earth we call home, and entirely wipe us out! My goal now is to change all those negative answers to positive answers. The biggest thing that I would like to change about myself is my perspective and attitude towards people, towards myself and the things that I do. I want to live my life free of judgement, free of failure, and most definitely free of the negativity we all tend to hold on to dearly for not good reason. 

How will I change? I am not entirely sure, but this is what I think I will do:

I will stop judging myself.

When I stop judging myself about things like how I think of my appearance, my ability in certain things,  and mistakes and bad choices that I made in the past, so will the entire world. Honestly, if you think that "Oh, this person probably thinks I am ugly." Do you think that person actually thinks that? Did they actually tell you this? I am terribly self-conscious about my skin, it is not entirely perfect, but it is not bad either. I just wish that my skin would get better! 

I will stop wishful thinking.

I absolutely hate wishful thinking. All it does is build up expectations, and when those expectations are not met, it will only simply make one feel absolutely disappointed and fall into a deeper hole than the one that they were already in! So about my skin, I have been doing things to help improve my physical and mental self image: 
- I exercise to build a nice and toned body
- I eat healthy to help improve my complexion 
- I do yoga to improve blood circulation and also help my body in other ways
- I think positively 
- I take a proactive approach to improve my skin like using: Eskinol, witch hazel, appropriate skin care products for my skin, and all that I have listed above. 

But not only that! We all have those thoughts and desires where we wish to be incredibly good at something. I heard a lot of people saying: Alexander, how can you learn so many languages? I simply say it is something I am passionate about and I practice it as much as I can everyday! We all have our own special gifts, but what is important is not wishing that we were perfectly programmed. We simply have to discover our talents and attributes and make them better. 

I will stop waiting.

Not that I am saying that I will become impatient and want whatever it is that I want NOW NOW NOW! No, what I mean is that I will stop making excuses and start doing the things that I want in my life: I want to be healthy, I want to be smart, I want to be rich, but most importantly I want to be a good friend, a good son, and a good person in society. I want to start now, it is never too late, until an asteroid hits and then, yeah, then it would be too late. 

I will finish all the books that I have been putting off for the past few... weeks *cough* by reading at least 2 chapters a night, or when I have some me time, read a few pages until I have to start work again. 

I will stop hating, being negative, being like the people I dislike.

Sometimes I ask myself "Why the heck did God put such a horrible person like this on this planet?" Well, soon enough I found the answer, and it was on facebook, a facebook quote to be exact, and it said: 

Is that not true? I think it really gives me a better perspective on the people in my life. The people that I absolutely detest have taught me who I should not be because they are the example of what I would become! I do not want to grow up old, rude, and ugly! Rather, I want to be kind, helpful, steadfast, upright, confident, loyal, true, tolerant, and a bunch of other nice and manly (and feminine) adjectives! 

I will admit my errors, I will forgive the wrong doings of others, and I will move on.

No one is perfect, and I certainly know that I am not perfect, myself. 

I will not bow down to anyone! 

Most likely only to God, but to someone on this planet? Most likely not! Even if they have a gun pointed to my head, they mean nothing to me and if I meant something to them, why would they be even pointing a gun to my head?! I will not be rude, but I will be assertive. NO ONE SHOULD BE A PUSH OVER! 

But most importantly:

I will be Happy.

Everyday, I will think of one thing that made me really happy yesterday and think of how I can make one person happy today. What made me happy yesterday was that my mom got me a MacBook Air. I was undeniably happy.. omg <3 mummzies I wabz youz. What I do does not have to be incredibly huge like buying them a car, but perhaps making that one person I choose to laugh, to smile, to simply be happy, by doing a small deed for them. I guess I could start doing the dishes. (I hate doing the dishes...) But honestly, and truly, when you make someone happy, you feel even happier!! 

Well, these are just a few things I have thought about... literally the list GOES ON! 

Do we really have to wait until the brink of destruction for us to change?